Friends are important but ‘blood’s blood’: Gay Men’s Personal Communities within the South Asian Diaspora

Abstract

This study explores the relationships and identities of gay men of South Asian descent in Australia. In doing so, it moves beyond the emphasis traditionally placed on sexuality for understanding gay men’s biographies. The emphasis on ‘gay community’ and ‘families of choice’ perpetuates the idea that sexuality is the primary factor in shaping gay men’s existence. Yet this limits an understanding of the scope of the relationships and identities within these men’s lives. In contrast, this study utilises the concept of ‘personal community’ to deal with such limitations and expand our knowledge of these men’s important personal ties. Personal communities provides an open-ended theoretical framework and methodological tool, which affords a variegated and comprehensive understanding of gay men’s relationships and identities. A total of 15 respondents placed their relationships on personal community maps, which were then explored through semi-structured interviews. Findings reveal that gay men’s personal communities are made up of: families of origin, friends and romantic partners. Factors that influence how gay men think and feel about these relationships include: blood ties, shared history, emotional attachments, obligations, intimacy and friendship. Overall, findings reveal that gay men have many different connections which are important to them, and that these play a significant role in shaping their multi-faceted identities. However, of special significance are findings suggesting that gay men are committed to their families of origin. Until now, there has been surprisingly little investigation of how families fit into the lives of gay men. In contrast, this study demonstrates that this group of gay men maintain strong commitments to family members. This is the case irrespective of whether relatives accept gay men’s sexual orientation, disapprove of it, or remain uninformed about it, suggesting that blood ties are particularly significant attachments.